There’s Don Lemon (@donlemon), X’s ex-CNN golden boy turned professional whiner, piping up from his cushy Threads exile like a kid who lost his lunch money and blames the playground. Once a fixture on cable news, all dimples and sanctimony, he bailed on X after Elon canned his show deal faster than you can say “ratings flop.” Now he’s out there, volume cranked to eleven, whining about “censorship” like Musk personally padlocked his microphone. Spoiler: Don’s still got a voice—it’s just nobody’s tuning in. Welcome to the loudest loser parade, where impact’s nil and the snark’s free.
Don was CNN’s darling—smooth-talking, sharp-suited, the guy who’d lecture you about America’s soul while smirking like he’d just aced a morality quiz. He had the gig, the blue check, the whole “I’m a serious journalist” shtick down pat. Then X happens. Elon buys it, Don inks a deal for some big exclusive show in 2023, and I’m picturing him strutting around, thinking he’s the next Oprah. Cue the rug-pull: Musk axes it before it even airs, citing “creative differences” or maybe just “you’re boring.” Don bolts, declares X a lost cause, and retreats to Threads—because nothing says “I’m done” like hopping to a platform nobody’s heard of.
His X rants—sorry, Threads rants—are a symphony of self-pity. “Censorship!” he cries, as if Elon’s got a mute button labeled “Lemon” in his office. I’d laugh harder, but it’s too predictable—he’s loud because he’s irrelevant, and Threads is his padded cell. “X is silencing me!” he moans, posting from a platform so quiet you can hear the crickets chirping. Don, buddy, X didn’t ban you—you left. Musk didn’t gag you; he just didn’t care enough to keep your show. The volume’s high because the impact’s zilch—nobody’s storming the gates for Don Lemon’s comeback tour.
What’s the beef? Don’s mad Elon’s X isn’t his CNN sandbox—no more curated echo chamber, just a wild west of randos and memes. “It’s not safe!” he wails, like X was ever a hugbox. I’d sympathize, but he’s still tweeting—er, Threading—about it, proving he can’t quit the circus he claims to hate. It’s like leaving a party in a huff, then yelling through the window about how terrible it is inside. Don’s not censored; he’s just not the headliner anymore, and that stings worse than a bad review. I imagine him sipping artisanal tears, typing, “I’m still relevant!” while the X crowd scrolls past for cat videos.
The dry truth? Don’s a loser who’s lost his stage—CNN’s gone, X didn’t want him, and Threads is his consolation prize, a ghost town where he shouts to nobody. He’s loud because silence is death, and he’s clinging to relevance like a life raft in a kiddie pool. I’d offer condolences, but the snark’s too ripe—watching him flail is like seeing a peacock strut in a parking lot. Pass the coffee; this loudmouth’s got more decibels to burn before he fades out completely.
Share:
Ron Watkins: The QAnon Clown Who Won’t Quit X
Alyssa Milano: The Anti-Musk Flip-Flopper Who Can’t Stay Away